Legacy of Manwich! {1.2} London, France, Etc.

[shibazoid]

 

 

Last time, King Martin beefed hard finding a girlfriend so now he's inflicting his manmeat on the general populace. Wonder how that worked out for him?

King Martin: "I've never seen so many women in one place!"

Me either, considering strip clubs in the Sims 2 always seem to be filled with creepy men or literal infants. You see anybody you like, Marty?

King Martin: "Now that you mention it..."

King Martin: "HOMINA HOMINA! AWOOOGA!" *smacks lips*

YOUR SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE IS UNPARALLELED

WOW I'M SO SHOCKED THAT DIDN'T WORK!

King Martin: "Yeouch, maybe I'll have better luck at the gas station."

At the where now?

King Martin: "You can find all kinds of things here!"

Yeah, like sexually transmitted diseases and disappointing breakfast burritos. You're not gonna find the woman of your dreams here.

WAIT, IS THAT THE BITCH FROM YOUR DAYDREAMS? DID YOU WILL HER INTO EXISTENCE?

Romana: "No, this is just where I get my hair done."

King Martin: "Hey, baby, you know what me and the Sun have in common?"

Romana: "... That you're both hot?"

King Martin: "No, that you'll go blind if you stare at us too long."

(Seriously, this is SO BLOWN OUT!)

Bully: "WOWEE GET A LOAD OF THIS VIRGIN"

Could you back off his asshole, please? Can't you see he is successfully courting a woman for the first time in his life?

Your tulpa sucks, Martin. She's not even looking at you. I'm reasonably sure she's swooning over other women.

MARTIN STOP PROPOSITIONING LESBIANS FOR SEX AND FEAST YOUR CRETINOUS LITTLE EYES ON THIS MEGA HOTTIE!!!

Veruca: "Actually, I'm a prostitute hired to deflower your turbo virgin founder."

Shhh, no, this is destiny! Think of your future as a trophy wife!

Veruca: "Hey, handsome, wanna have consensual sex?"

King Martin: "UGH GOD GROSS NO!!!"

King Martin: "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Martin I'm gonna fucking neuter you

Oh so you're just going for it, huh? In this most romantic of places?

King Martin: "Are you an angel? 'Cause I wanna get you pregnant."

Romana: "I... uh, what?"

Some kid named Agamemnon?: "WEE WOO WEE WOO CREEPER ALERT!"

King Martin: "I don't need this shit I'm going to the bathroom! >:("

Cowboy: "Mind if I join you?"

King Martin: "What?? No!! Get out of here!"

RAM RANCH IS UNDER SIEGE

UNDER LOCKDOWN

King Martin: "Now I can dump in peace! :)"

God you're not even gonna put toilet paper down??

Cowboy: "I'M BACK BITCH.... AND I BROUGHT A FRIEND!"

What the... fuck????

Weeaboo Niles: "Konnichiwa!"

Nothing like the lingering scent of fecal matter to bring cultures together.

What is this fucking cosplay convention bullshit happening before my very eyes?

Romana: "He was right, I did actually end up going blind."

Twink Lincoln: "Thank God you're back!"

NO MORE COSTUMES, GET OUT OF MY YARD

Very many days go by and Martin is still a kissless virgin, not to mention he's having a hell of a time keeping his aspiration up. Why can't you want anything career related? Why does is all have to be two-thousand dollar stereos and other expensive garbage?

King Martin: "I guess I want to kiss someone?"

There we go. Let's go to the pub, buddy. Maybe beer goggles will improve your chances.

*WHUNK*

Can you stop letting this guy bully the shit out of you?

This adorable lady was here, and she and Martin really hit it off!

Just kidding. You think this guy could ever succeed at anything?

King Martin: *sssSSNNIIIIIFFFFFFF*

I need a break from you. Hopefully you'll find a bride in the next one. Bye for now!